


I Toad You So

by werewolvesandarrows (nerdy_farm_girl)



Series: Birthday Fics [5]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, Mutual Pining, Spells & Enchantments, Stiles has a plan, True Love's Kiss, derek gets turned into a toad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 17:43:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5057944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdy_farm_girl/pseuds/werewolvesandarrows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“He’s a toad, Stiles,” Scott corrects as he slides the loft door closed behind him. “You know how touchy he can be about species misidentification.” Stiles can’t help but snort, a giggle bubbling out when the toad starts hopping around angrily on the table. “Deaton says it’s probably a classic spell,” Scott continues, dropping down onto the couch beside him. “True love’s kiss and all that.” It looks like Scott is fighting back a grin, and it’s making it difficult for Stiles to control himself. “It was probably that girl he turned down when we were at the diner the other night? Deaton says he could try and reverse it, but it’d be easier to just get Derek’s true love to give him a little smooch.”</p><p>The toad is glaring at them again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Toad You So

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bistiles_bilinski](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bistiles_bilinski/gifts).



> Happy birthday June!! I hope you like it!
> 
> A take on this prompt (with a few tweaks): “my best friend got turned into a frog and now i’m being the best wingman/woman/person ever by carrying them around to bars and getting hot people to kiss them in hopes of hooking them up with their true love” AU ([x](http://werewolvesandarrows.tumblr.com/post/127202863224/mythological-creature-aus))
> 
> Not betaed, all mistakes are my own.  
> If you think I missed anything in the tags, please let me know  
> Also posted on my [tumblr](http://werewolvesandarrows.tumblr.com/post/131747189617/i-toad-you-so%22). (with toad visual reference)

Stiles should know better than to try and have a staring contest with a frog. Do they even blink? They have those weird second eyelids that are like half translucent, does that count as blinking? He doesn’t really know, but at this point all he really _can_ do is stare. At the frog. Sitting on Derek’s coffee table in the middle of the loft.

“Only _you_ could get yourself turned into a frog dude.” He’s not sure if it’s possible for frogs to glare, but this one is definitely glaring at him. And making this weird growly sound in its throat bubble thing. God. Frogs are so fucking _weird_.

“He’s a toad, Stiles,” Scott corrects as he slides the loft door closed behind him. “You know how touchy he can be about species misidentification.” Stiles can’t help but snort, a giggle bubbling out when the toad starts hopping around angrily on the table. “Deaton says it’s probably a classic spell,” Scott continues, dropping down onto the couch beside him. “True love’s kiss and all that.” It looks like Scott is fighting back a grin, and it’s making it difficult for Stiles to control himself. “It was probably that girl he turned down when we were at the diner the other night? Deaton says he could try and reverse it, but it’d be easier to just get Derek’s true love to give him a little smooch.”

The toad is glaring at them again. Or well, _Derek_ is glaring at them again. In toad form.

“How exactly does Deaton expect us to do that?” Stiles flops back into the couch cushions to stare up at the ceiling. It’s not like Derek was seeing anyone or anything. He was sure of that, since he was planning on putting his Get-Derek-Hale-To-Fall-In-Love-With-Me-3-Year-Plan into effect any day now that he had graduated from college. It was time. But uh… He’s not all that solid on how his plan will work if Derek’s an actual toad.

“I don’t know,” Scott sighs. “He had that look like he knows something I don’t.”

“Maybe he’s dating someone we don’t know about?” Just saying it out loud makes Stiles’ chest feel tight, like his ribs are squeezing in around his heart.

“Don’t sound so bitter dude,” Scott laughs, slapping a warm hand down on his thigh. “We’ll figure something out.”

 

Figuring something out apparently means making a plan to go out to bars every night and bring Derek with them. Stiles insists on keeping him in his sweatshirt pocket in order to avoid any screaming and to also make sure he doesn’t escape. Or get stepped on or anything. He’s all for just lining people up and offering to buy them a beer if they kiss old Derek. Scott puts the kibosh on that almost immediately, bringing up the point that it’s not like Derek just goes around kissing people as a human anyways, so it wouldn’t really be fair to subject him to that as a toad. (Toad Derek looks incredibly smug after that. Stiles hates him). So they take Lydia with them and scout out potential candidates, decide if they could _possibly_ be Derek’s True Love, and then convince said person to kiss their pet toad. It’s a flawless strategy.

They start with the bartender at the pack’s favorite dive, who has a semi-obvious crush on Derek _and_ likes to trade commiserating looks with him when Stiles and Isaac get rowdy. She asks for Derek as soon as they settle at the bar. Scott raises one eyebrow at Stiles, and he nods his head in agreement. Lydia already looks annoyed, so he figures they might as well get right to it.

“Listen Molls,” he starts, leaning carefully on one elbow so as not to squish Derek in his pocket. “If I were to offer you my endless appreciation and gratitude, would you kiss my pet toad?” Molly frowns, her dark eyebrows dipping low over chocolate eyes. She doesn’t look all that impressed.

“You want me to kiss your _toad_?” She asks, eyes narrowing with suspicion. “What is this, some kind of princess and the frog deal?”

“No!” Stiles denies at the exact same time as Lydia sighs and mutters,

“Obviously.” She rolls her eyes when Scott and Stiles both glare at her. “It’s so much easier to tell the truth.” She pauses and takes a sip of her Captain and Coke. “Derek got himself turned into a toad. Supposedly true love’s kiss will turn him back.” Molly looks somewhere between interested and skeptical, her nose scrunched in a way that Stiles would probably find endearing if he wasn’t so invested in getting her to kiss the toad. Derek. Whatever.

“You think _I’m_ Derek’s true love?” And yup. _That_ is a lot like what hope sounds likes. Scott and Stiles nod in unison, even though Stiles is definitely lying. He doesn’t want _anyone_ to be Derek’s true love besides _him_ , but that’s beside the point. Molly’s nodding anyways, opening up a napkin on the bar and pointing at it. Stiles sighs and pulls Derek out of his pocket, setting him gently on the napkin.

Derek’s glaring at him. Again.

“So how do I do this?” Molly asked, bending over until she’s eye level with Derek. Who is still glaring at Stiles. “Can he understand us?”

“We don’t know.” Lydia answers, eyeing Derek with suspicion. “And you don’t need to like, make out with him. He’s a frog.”

“Toad.” Scott corrects, reaching out a finger and petting the top of Derek’s head. Derek actually looks _pleased_. Stiles isn’t like _jealous_ or anything. Not of Scott. But maybe of Molly, who closes the final few inches between herself and Derek and presses her lips to the top of his head. It’s like everything goes into slow motion for Stiles, the movement of her lips against scaly skin, the flutter of her eyelashes as she pulls back, the crinkle of her nose as she wipes her mouth on the back of her hand.

Nothing happens.

Derek is still glaring at him.

 

Next they try the new deputy down at the station. He’s Parrish’s partner and looks like some kind of god, all deep brown skin and eyes so dark they’re almost black and cheekbones that look like they’re carved from marble. He goes only by Taylor, and Stiles would _probably_ have a huge crush on him if a) he wasn’t so hung up on old grumpy pants, b) Taylor actually acted like he liked him, and c) Derek hadn’t started hanging out with him way too much. Like, they go to the gym together and get smoothies and drink beer with Parrish on Friday nights. Time that Derek _could_ be spending with Stiles, eating greasy pizza and marathoning The Lord of The Rings.

“Have you heard from Hale?” Taylor asks, looking right at Stiles as he, Scott and Lydia surround his desk. “He hasn’t been returning my texts.” Stiles’ left eyelid twitches because he _knows_. He has custody of Derek’s cell and his nerves get wound a notch tighter every time a text from Taylor comes in. “I’d thought maybe he got his act together.” Taylor kind of smirks at Stiles, like they have some kind of secret. It’s both unnerving and very, _very_ hot. Stiles ignores Scott’s disapproving look and pulls Derek out of his pocket.

“Just kiss the toad dude, and all your questions will be answered.”

Taylor blinks.

“What.”

“You’ve been hanging out with this asshole too long,” Stiles sighs and gently places Derek on Taylor’s desk. “Infliction is important, use it.” Taylor looks from Scott to Lydia and back to Stiles before heaving the most dramatic sigh he’s ever heard in his life. (Which is saying something, because all of his friends are ridiculously dramatic sigh-ers).

“Why exactly, do you want me to kiss a toad?” Taylor leans back in his chair, crossing his arms behind head. His biceps are threatening to bust through the sleeves of his uniform, and Stiles is pretty sure Lydia lets out a little enraptured sigh. Sickening.

“Just do it man.  Live a little.”

“Not until you tell me why.” Taylor says calmly, one eyebrow climbing higher on his forehead.

“Derek got turned into a toad.” Lydia explains, shaking her head when Stiles sends her a look of pure betrayal. “True love’s kiss will turn him back.”

Stiles is a little surprised when Taylor’s face splits into a grin (and a little turned on but that’s not the point). He shakes his head back and forth, a laugh bubbling from his lips.

“You three think _I’m_ Hale’s _true love!_ ” When they nod, he laughs again. “Oh man, fine. But I’m _not_ , just for the record. I don’t think I’m really Big D’s type.” And then he _winks_ at Stiles, before scooping up Toad Derek and kissing his head.

Nothing happens.

Derek is still glaring at him.

 

After that they decide that maybe they should just test all the pack members to be safe. Not that Stiles really thinks Derek is _in love_ with any of them, but he does _love_ them, so it’s possible there could be a loophole in the spell or something. Stiles sets Derek up on his bed and invites each person in one by one.

Malia’s first, looking utterly bored as she saunters over to the bed. She gives Stiles this _look_ before she crouches in front of Derek.

“You’re both idiots.” she grumbles, before tipping forward and kissing him. Stiles half expects _something_ to happen, Malia and Derek seem to have this cousinly bond that connects them differently than everyone else. But nothing does, and Malia doesn’t seem all that concerned, shrugging one shoulder and half skipping out of the room.

Liam comes in next, marches straight to the bed, bends and kisses Derek, and turns and walks out without making eye contact with Stiles.

Kira follows, bouncing into the room with a sunny smile. She coos over Derek for a few minutes, petting him and telling him how _adorable_ he is. Stiles would make her stop if Derek didn’t look so damn pleased with himself. Eventually she pecks him right on the mouth, and Stiles waits with baited breath. Derek and Kira are surprisingly close. They like to geek out about history together and sometimes they drive around in the Camaro wearing leather and aviator sunglasses. It’s very strange, but it’s a thing that happens. Luckily, Derek remains a frog. Well, he doesn’t mean it like _that_ but…

Lydia marches into the room next with an air of superiority. She squints at Stiles for a second before her eyes suddenly light up. “Wow okay,” she laughs under her breath, lips lifting into a smirk that sends chills down Stiles’ spine. “Why haven’t _you_ tried kissing him yet?”

Stiles’ cheeks feel like they’re on fire but he glares at her anyways.

“Don’t take that tone with me, missy!” He folds his arms more securely across his chest. “It’s useless for me to even try. If Scott’s kiss doesn’t change him back then why would mine?” The look he gets for that makes him feel approximately three inches tall.

“Your logic is astounding.” Lydia sighs, rolling her eyes _hard_ before stomping over to Derek. “I’m sorry you're in love with an idiot.” She tells him, before placing a barely there kiss on the top of his little green head. “Your turn Scott!” She doesn’t even wait to see if Derek changes or anything, just scoops him up and carries him towards the door, meeting Scott halfway.

“You don’t want to be _holding_ him if he changes!” Stiles scurries over to them, trying to direct Lydia back towards him bed. Of course, she ignores him, waving Derek in Scott’s face until he laughs and stills her hands.

“Sorry Der,” Scott murmurs, before kissing him firmly. Stiles holds his breath for a full two minutes, but nothing happens.

Derek’s still glaring at him.

 

The biggest reason why he doesn’t just try it himself is because he doesn’t want to know for sure. If he kisses Toad Derek and nothing happens, that means that Derek has some other true love out there, waiting for him. Just knowing that he’s not Derek’s true love isn’t going to make him stop loving him. Ignorance is bliss, and Stiles would certainly prefer to continue believing in someday.

Except they’re not having any luck. It’s day four of searching the town for potential True Loves (they even convinced Isaac to fly home early from his work trip just to try). Stiles is getting tired of the emotional rollercoaster, the hope that they’ll get Derek back and the dread that one of these random people is Derek’s soul mate.

He’s at the loft, sprawled out on the couch while Derek sits on his chest. It occurred to him and Scott two days ago that they might actually have to feed Derek, which led to looking up what toads eat, which led to the two of them laughing so hard they had tears running down their face, which led to Stiles trying to convince Derek to eat a cricket. It isn’t really going all that well, as could be expected.

“Dude. If you don’t eat the fuckin’ cricket, I’m going to put you back in your tank.” Derek just glares at him, his little scaly toad eyebrows seeming to sink lower over his beady little eyes. “Don’t look at me like that, I’m _trying_ to take care of you.” He holds the cricket out towards Derek, trying not to think about just how weird this entire situation is. It might not be possible for toads to roll their eyes, but he’s pretty sure Derek does, before flicking his tongue out and swallowing the bug whole.

Stiles’ half cheer, half laugh is cut short by the sound of I Fought the Law blaring from his phone, announcing an incoming call from the sheriff.

“Yo Pops!” He answers cheerfully, keeping one eye on Derek still sitting on his stomach. “What’s shakin’?”

“You know kid, I’m a little offended that you haven’t told me that you and Derek are dating yet.” His dad starts without preamble, sounding both hurt and serious.

“What?”

“You know I don’t care about who you date son, but you better not even _consider_ breaking that boy’s heart. He’s been through hell and back and he looks at you like-”

“Dad! Me and Derek aren’t dating!” Stiles cuts him off frantically, shooting a wary look at Toad Derek. Here’s hoping that he cannot understand English while in toad form. “Where would you even get that idea?”

“Stiles. You’ve been at his place for four nights and I haven’t seen hide nor hair of either of you. Not to mention that you’ve been answering his phone for him. I just figured…” His dad trails off.

“Derek got himself turned into a toad. I’ve been taking care of him.” It looks like Derek’s returned to glaring at him, and really, he’s a little bit angry for a _toad_. “Why would you just _assume_ that Derek and I are together dad? I thought you were a cop!” Stiles laughs, expecting his dad to at least chuckle. Instead he gets stony silence.

“Kid. Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Oh _come on_ Dad, of course you’re a good cop, I’m only kidding.” His dad lets out a long, exasperated sigh of the likes that Stiles hasn’t heard in _years_.

“Do you _really_ not notice the way Hale looks at you? It’s like you’re his world. His annoying world maybe, but still his world.”

And that… Stiles doesn’t really have a response for that. He thinks back on the last few years, on the times he’s spent with Derek, cooking dinner for the pack and going fishing on the lake. He thinks about the fond way Derek says his name, how every now and then he catches his eyes going all soft when he doesn’t think Stiles is looking. He thinks about the time Derek drove all the way to Berkeley just to bring him homemade lasagna and help him study for exams, how Derek lets him take naps in his bed.   

“Oh my god.” When he glances down at Derek, the toad is suspiciously not looking at him. “Dad I gotta go.” He hangs up without waiting for a response, tossing his phone carelessly in the direction of the coffee table. Derek is still facing away from him, every muscle in his little toad body tensed like he’s going to leap away at any second. “Dude.” Stiles murmurs, scooping him up in his hands and holding him in front of his face. “Listen. I’m going to do this, and you have to promise not to hold it against me.”

Derek just glares at him.

So Stiles takes a deep breath, and kisses him.

One second he’s got his fingers curled around a toad, the next second he’s being _suffocated_ by a very heavy, very naked, very human Derek Hale. And also kissing him. Apparently.

“Your mouth tastes funny.” Stiles mumbles against Derek’s (kind of chapped to be honest) lips. Derek pulls back and pushes himself up on one elbow, and glares at Stiles. Some things never change.

“I can’t believe it took you four days to figure it out you moron,” Derek huffs, leaning down to kiss Stiles again. “How could you not know?” He murmurs against his lips, fingers curling through Stiles’ hair and tugging just slightly. It’s better than anything Stiles has ever experienced in his entire life. Except for one minor detail.

“Dude. Your mouth is like… gross.”

Derek huffs and climbs off of Stiles, wobbling a little on his feet as he stands. Stiles tries not to stare, but the best ass in Beacon Hills is basically in his face, and Derek is _stretching_ and he’s never proclaimed to be a saint, okay?

“I’m going to go take a shower,” Derek says over his shoulder, lips curling up into a little smirk that sets Stiles’ nerves on fire.

“Uh… okay?” He watches as Derek ambles towards his bathroom, apparently unbothered by his nakedness. He pauses at the bathroom door.

“I didn’t say I wanted to shower _alone_ …” 

Stiles has never moved so fast in his entire life.

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't kiss toads in real life. I'm pretty sure that's kind of unsanitary. And I doubt they will turn into Derek Hale (although if they did you can bet your boots I'd be out there kissing some toads).
> 
> Thank you for reading!! You can find me on [tumblr](http://werewolvesandarrows.tumblr.com).


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